Friday, September 10, 2010

9/11 TRIBUTE

Tomorrow, we will all be faithful to the memory of great losses.
It seems hard to believe it’s been nine years since America was senselessly terrorized by “Glitter,” starring Mariah Carey.
On that September day, more than three thousand Americans lost 104 minutes of their lives.
As we try to move forward, we must remember the heinous acting that took place that day.
The opening of “Glitter” was a day of great horror, a day in which this mighty nation saw cowardly performances by a small group of rogue musicians.
The fight against musicians making horrible movies will be a long one, but I’m sure those who’ve seen Tyrese in just about anything will agree, it is one that is necessary.
Our children must grow up to realize the difference between musicians’ films and films that are cheesy on purpose.
It is with this in mind, that today we start a foundation to carryout that mission:
I give you RE-PETA – Resentful People for the Ethical Treatment of Audiences.

Thursday, September 2, 2010

MAGNUM P.D.A.

I can't help but notice that the used condoms I see on the sidewalk are much bigger here than my old neighborhood.

Tuesday, August 31, 2010

NEW RULE

I'm making a new rule, and I think it's a fair one. If you have a young child, the cost of that child's entire wardrobe MUST BE at least as much as the cost of your sneakers. C'mon dudes, it's not like you're sponsored by Nike or Addidas - we know those sneakers cost $300. We also know your son's outfit cost three bucks...back when your parents bought it for you back in 1987.

Friday, August 13, 2010

Barenaked Ladies

Hey Harlem, we're going to see the Barenaked Ladies tonight at Radio City Music Hall!! Who's comin' with us? [crickets......]

Saturday, August 7, 2010

The Water Guy

Something tells me the health inspector never checks out the $1 water dudes that walk down the middle of the street

Friday, August 6, 2010

The Bodega Situation

I don't like to think my neighborhood bodega has bulletproof glass so much as they keep the candy bars in a decorative case

LET'S GO BOWLING

Being the true western New Yorkers we are, we decided to go bowling last night. Lucky for us, there’s a bowling alley right in the ‘hood – www.HarlemLanes.com. Their website has pictures of Russell Simmons and Ja Rule bowling there, so how could we not go?
We walked into the place and were greeted by that record-screech sound effect…you know, like when Gary and Wyatt walked into the The Kandy Bar in “Weird Science.” OK, not literally, but let’s just say that in the entire bowling alley, the next closest white person was Ms. Pac Man.
I’ve been to Rock ‘n Bowl many, many times. Last night was my first time at Video Vixen Bowl. The girl a few lanes down was a terrible bowler, but god damn, she could back that ass up when her jam came on. The guys next to us were pretty awesome bowlers. One of the guys picked up a tough spare as I was getting ready to take a turn, so as he walked back, I thought to myself, “this is it, time to break the ice,” so I held it out there – my five, and an extra demonstrative high one at that.
One-one thousand, two-one thousand, uh-oh, did I overstep? Nah, dude was psyched and gave me a mean high five – not angry-mean, but mean like Beaver Cleaver would say. Phew, we was down now – did I use that right?. Laughing, joking and rooting for each other – we were like a Benetton ad. OK, so it was more like a Jimmy Jazz ad, but you get it.